So over the past half-year I’ve gotten a wee taster of what it’s like to be in a Long-Distance Relationship. Of course, I cannot claim to know all the troubles that go along with more permanent LDRs, but from hanging out with other exchange kids attending Australian National University I’ve gotten a fair idea of the spectrum of problems which relationships can face when one or both people leave home for a few months.
This week I’m gonna represent three of these problems using some of my favourite Disney couples. It’s just a bit of fun, so I won’t offer much advice specific to each problem (except to Rapunzel and Eugene’s one, that being based on my own experience). Even if couples experience similar problems, each person is different and may prefer to deal with them differently. One piece of advice is pretty universal though, in the sense that it can help each problem and couple: communicate with each other. You have a problem with the other person? Tell them. You sense the other person has a problem with you? Ask them. Then listen.
It’s as simple as that, and I know sometimes the issue might not seem important enough to bring up, but if it’s affecting how you feel about them or how you relate to them, it is important. Trust me, there have been several times where I just put the phone away and pushed the irritation wayyyyyyyyy down before I replied to my boyfriend, and it doesn’t do anyone any good. Honestly, during this time apart, the closest I’ve felt to him was after we hashed out some problems together, even if there were a few trans-continental tears involved.
If you bring it up and it gets resolved, then you guys are stronger. If you bring it up and it still doesn’t seem fixable, then maybe the distance has opened your eyes to particularly problematic problems which you would not have noticed if things were comfortable… and that’s OK too.
I hope you enjoy!
Belle goes searching for More Than This Provincial (and Princessial) Life
Problem: Over-texting or over-protectiveness
Belle and Beast are great for each other- they both love reading, they’re both rather eccentric, they both have strong&certain personalities, and they both know that it is what’s on the inside that counts.
However, there is one major difference. Beast loves his creature (lol) comforts; he enjoys staying in, chatting to his friends, hosting parties in his castle… and while Belle loves him, she knows she has to satisfy some of her own adventurous cravings, even if her husband has no such inclinations.
Here’s a taster of their struggles…
It’s important to bear in mind that your partner is a separate person to you, and has the right to pursue things that may not make much sense to you. Respect their desires, allow them their fun. Yes, communication is important while you are apart, just don’t overdo it or neither of you will get to experience anything when apart.
Timon goes on a Grub-Tasting tour
Timon had of course asked Pumbaa to come along when he heard of the guided tour of the North African Grub Trail, but Pumbaa declined on the basis of his diet. He didn’t mind having a bit of time to himself, and loved receiving the odd message from Timon about his experiences… that is, until he found out who he was having these experiences with…
When you mix your life up a bit it’s inevitable that you’re going to meet some new people in the process. People can enhance an adventure tenfold, as I said 2 blogs ago ( https://tinyurl.com/DontKnowHow2MakeAFancyLink ), and you should never feel ashamed of making new friends. If you find yourself rubbing it in their face though, that’s a problem – check yourself!
Now, if you are the one watching your partner befriend all these people: trust them until they give you a reason to believe they have been unfaithful. They have chosen to commit to you, and while new is always exciting, no one can be new forever. You are their person, have faith in that. Trust them.
Rapunzel goes ‘Inter-railing’ around Europe
Problem: pockets of infrequent communication
So as we all know, Rapunzel and Eugene Fitzherbert celebrated their wedding in the kingdom of Corona, and, knowing the former Mister Flynn Rider, they must have gone some place warm and sunnnyyyy for their Honeymoon!
However, before all of this, Rapunzel and Eugene had a talk. Eugene had had lots of adventures until the back of his head met Rapunzel’s frying pan, but Rapunzel, well… she had been inside all her life. She was excited to rule Corona and do what she could for her people, she was excited to live permanently with Eugene… but there were things she had to do first, things she had to see, to learn.
So, Eugene agreed to stay in Corona as she traveled independently, jealous though he was. Rapunzel made an inner vow to contact him as much as possible so that he would still feel like she was there – they were only newly engaged after all, there was still a lot of growth to be done in their relationship.
And it was great… but she began to notice that, despite her constant busyness travel-wise, she still found herself being far more available than Eugene was…
So this is the problem I most relate to. I don’t know, I’ve never been the best at texting, but my boyfriend and I were quite a new relationship when I left, and I knew I’d have to step up my game a bit when I was away since this would be pretty much the only form of communication we would have for several months. And don’t get me wrong- for the mostmostmost part it’s been great- truly! I even managed to grab the monk’s tablet for a few bars of wifi during my stay with her in Thailand! It’s just that despite the adjustment to Australia, the travel, the college work, and the general Fenner Hall socialising, I’d sometimes find myself slightly more available than he was.
Of course, I know it is/was his final year in college, and he has his own work and socialising to do, plus I’m a bit of a better multi-tasker and had already made a conscious decision to prioritise him when possible… and it’s not as if the gaps in the conversation would be all that frequent… but every now and then I couldn’t help feeling a little resentful.
I wouldn’t see the point in bringing it up though- I wasn’t a needy girlfriend. I didn’t want pity texts, forced communication… but it was affecting the way I was speaking to him (note the shortened Rapunzel messages at the end). As I said in the introduction, just say it, no matter how petty you may feel during the argument. There’s no point in taking out your frustrations by acting cold, because that’s just going to be mistaken for disinterest. It may not change how busy you both are, but it will make the communication you have time for flow without an underbelly of bitterness.